Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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