woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
