Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Randomize
