Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
