Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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