It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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