so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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