We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
