I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I see more hoeing in ur future
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