please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
