I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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