The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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