hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
