It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
id be glad to
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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