Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize