So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
