I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
