dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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