My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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