I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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