i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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