Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
