I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
