Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize