Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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