I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you would pick up someone in the library
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
