hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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