I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
