YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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