I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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