the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
