I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
