Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
