hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
