I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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