Little spoons don't ask big questions
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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