You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
