Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
