I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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