I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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