Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
