moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
