what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
