Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
