I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
