What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
