i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize