I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
