Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
