I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she looked like the before picture.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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