just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
