I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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