Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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