We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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