Non-Jews are for practice
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
