She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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