accomplished twins. life is a go
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
