Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
