peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Found the puke drawer
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
