I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Randomize
