my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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