There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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