Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
