Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
