im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
