I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
