I cockslap morals
I can text with my tongue
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
