3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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