i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
