He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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