You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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