the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
