Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
