the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
BRING THE BAGELS
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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