Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
