I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
