i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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