and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
