My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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