Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
