dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
