I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
